The First
by Hawk-Hotlips
Summary: In the movie, Hawkeye, Trapper, Margaret, and Spearchucker arrived at the 4077th after the war started. But whom were before them? Find out.
1. The First Arrival

1

**The First** by Hawk-Hotlips

_A/N: I don't own MASH, Fox does._ _No characters that were in the book or movie but weren't in the TV show won't appear except for the dentist. And here's a shocker for you; there won't be any Margaret or Trapper or Spearchucker in this story. Hawkeye appears in the end. Part 1 of a two story series._

There they came. Over the hill without even a bedpan to their name. There were only two of them, the CO, Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake, and Company Clerk Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Rielly, but they knew this would be a successful place.

The Korean War had just started, and doctors were needed for MASH units, evac hospitals, and Aid Stations. Where these two were going was the site of the first MASH unit, the 4077th .

The Supply Truck was coming about a mile behind, with the papers they need, phones, tents, and the like.

Besides Henry, there wasn't a doctor for a mile and a half in any direction. The other doctors of the unit were coming in a few days. Radar only had heard the names once, but he remembered them;

Major Frank Burns, surgeon

Major Samuel Hammer,

Captain John "Ugly John" Smith, surgeon

Captain John Spaulding, surgeon

Captain Walter Blowersdentist

and Captain Jacob Striper, surgeon.

Henry was also a surgeon.It seemed that you could only be a surgeon or aa dentist in the Army because that was all they were getting.

Then there was the nurses, they only knew of one at the moment, but they were to expect nineteen more.The nurse that was coming was also the head nurse, and her name was Major Cynthia Bergheimer.

Yep, it was going to be a while before everything is set up and everyone arrives, but luckily the people in the Supply Truck came to stay, their names were; Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger, who only went into the Army to avoid jail (making his serial number start with 'RA') and Private Igor Straminsky. Igor was to be the man who served the food and temporary cook, and Klinger was to be a corpsman.

In any event, they were the first and that's the way they liked it.


	2. The First Fortnight

1_A/N: Just to be clear; Hawkeye, Margaret, and Spearchucker aren't in this story at all. Trapper appears in the end._

A couple weeks along, the main office and OR, Pre-Op and etc. was found, infact it was an old farm before it became the 4077th, so there were a couple buildings. Here's how the layout went, Imagine a huge T shape if you will;

On the far right was the Colonel's office. Next was Radar's, then, you could go outside or go to the scrub room. The OR was next to that. (The OR is at the center of the top of the T) going left, you have; Post-Op, to the left of that was where personal effects were stored, and where supplies in high demand were kept, then the supply room was at the left end of the T where everything was stored. Going down was; Pre-Op, then the X-Ray room. In every room, there was a door outside except for the OR. It was somewhat of a brilliant plan, luckily the building was already there, all they had to do was put up dividing walls and things and it was fine. It used to be a chicken coop.

The only other buildings were; the latrine, which was used for the same reason before the war. And the showers. The tractor was stored there.

And also, in that fortnight, the staff started to arrive;

Corporal Klinger arrived, and the Section 8 attempts started promptly. The first of which was;

Only after the arrival of Klinger, he was pronounced missing. Ten minutes later, Radar reported seeing him dancing around in the minefield trying to escape. He was let off with a warning and he seemed to quite down for the time being.

Then Father Mulcahy arrived in tandem with Major Cynthia Bergheimer. Immediately, Henry was reported to be seen going into the Majors tent and not coming out for the next day.

Father Mulcahy on the other hand, didn't come out of his tent for two weeks. He said that he was in meditation.

Also arriving that week, was Captain Ugly John Black, not John Smith like previously reported. A mistake by the Army of course. Captain Walter Blowers, Captain Jacob Striper, Major Frank Burns, and Major Samuel Hammer arrived as well. Captain John Spaulding hadn't arrive yet.

From the start, Frank Burns and Ugly John took an immediate dislike to Captain Striper and Major Hammer. Captain tried to be desperately to be funny, but plain wasn't. Major Hammer on the other hand, was too sullen to be disturbed. He just ate, go to the latrine, and sleep. He didn't talk or show any emotion, he was just there.

At the time, Frank Burns was a relatively nice guy. Sure, he married for money, cared a great deal for money, cheated on his med school test, but other than that, he treated everyone nicely and was the most generous person in the camp. He donated to Father Mulcahy's rapidly growing orphanage that he helped open for Mother Thresea.

Ugly John, was also nice. He was a joker, he was the funny one. Frank liked that, that and Frank had a thing for Aussies. He LOVED their accent and wanted to befriend every one of them and someday to even live in Australia.

Every one was pretty nice around the camp, Cynthia was the most relax commander you ever saw, even though she was just commanding nurses, not a whole camp. She also was Henry's mistress, not that she knew that he was married or anything, for all she knew, she was just his girlfriend.

None of the other nurses had arrived yet, no one knew where they were, along with Igor, Captain Spaulding and the other enlisted men. I-corp told them to expect them at any minute. Yeah, right.

Thank god that the first wounded haven't reached there yet, if they had, they couldn't handle them and they might fall apart, internally, externally, emotionally, and physically. Especially for Major Bergheimer, she was the only nurse, she couldn't handle that much.

God help them all, and hopefully everyone will arrive soon.


	3. The First Wounded

1_A/N: All thoughts are in bold. Did I also mention that Ho-Jon won't be in this story either?_

Let's fast-forward another week shall we?;

It was about noon when the bus pulled up, it was everyone else that was supposed to arrive about a week or two ago, but had somehow gotten lost.

Pulling up to the compound, everyone in the bus smelled the horror first. The latrine in one direction, the kitchen in another, and the dump in yet another direction. If that place wasn't hell, is sure smelled like it.

As they got out, Radar, who was just coming back from the latrine, had recognized almost everyone of them from their profile pictures. He saw Pvt. Igor, Capt. Spaulding, Corp. Smith (the camp bus driver), Serg. Zale, Pvt. Goldman, and a lot of other enlisted men. He also saw a lot of Nurses, among which were; Lt. Dish, Lt. Kellye, Lt. Baker, Lt. Bigelow, Lt. Able, and Cpt. Charlie, among the crowd of twenty some nurses. Then, he saw someone that he didn't recognize, he was walking, more or less limping down the steps.

As Radar went closer, and upon further inspection saw that this guy's arm was in bandages. **'That's odd,'** Radar thought, **'we normally don't get bandaged up staff members on a normal basis here.**' After the man got off, Radar got on the bus to see if there was anyone else.

What he saw wasn't pretty. He saw the front top two beds, one on the driver and one on the passenger sides, with wounded men in them. Wounded men who might need to be operated on immediately, men who's bodies have been invaded by foreign objects, metal, possibly poisonous metal to be exact. Radar didn't like the thought of that. The sight of blood alone made him feel nauseous, but the thought that these men might die, if they got help or not, put him over the top.

Rushing out of the bus to toss his breakfast, Radar passed by Col. Blake, which he bumped into.

"Whoa, Radar! Watch where you're going! You might run into a wall or something!" Col. Blake said, in a joking manner. Radar didn't have time to talk, it was either run to the bushes or throw up on Col. Blake. He chose the bushes.

"Radar? Did you hear me?" Col. Blake said, following Radar to the bushes.

Radar started to throw up, a lot because he started to like Army food. He also tried to talk while he was throwing up;

"Col.! (throw up)"

"What's wrong Radar? Why are you throwing up?" Col. Blake asked concerned.

Radar didn't really pause for Henry to talk, but more to throw up, so he continued;

"I'm throwing up, (throw up) because I saw, (throw up) I saw, (throw up, then spitting to get it all out)"

"Saw what Radar?" Henry asked him.

Now done throwing up for the moment, Radar could pay attention to the things around him, among the sounds, he suddenly heard choppers.

'What, what is it Radar?" Henry asked, running after Radar, who was going to go over the PA and announce the incoming wounded.

"Choppers!" Was all Radar could yell.

"What?" Henry stopped and listened. "I don't hear anything."

"Listen and you'll hear them!" Radar yelled at him.

Suddenly hearing them for the first time, he ran off shouting;

"CHOPPERS! CHOPPERS! CHOPPERS!" and on and on.

Running toward his office to get the PA, Radar ran into the wounded guy that walked off the bus only minutes before.

"Go over that way. They'll help you!" He told the wounded guy. All the guy did was start walking over there, no thanks, no nothing.

Then he started to run back to his office to get the PA. Everyone heard the choppers by now, but since this was the first time that this happened to them, they didn't know what it was. Everyone just ignored it, probably thinking that it was mail, and Radar would deliver it to them. Odd how the people who came on the bus didn't report it to anybody. Then the PA came alive with Radar's voice;

"OK everyone! Incoming wounded! Choppers at the heli-pad, and some on the bus!"

Mass hysteria started, no one knew what to do, they never did this in med or nursing school, or in any other school. Radar could hear the screaming from the panicking people outside and said into the PA;

"OK, Captain Striper and Corporal Klinger to the bus! Major Hammer, Captain Spaulding and Captain Black to the heli-pad! Major Burns and Lt. Col. Blake to Pre-op, sirs! Nurses, either go to the bus, heli-pad, or Pre-op! Once the ones at the bus are done, go to the OR, then the ones at the heli-pad do the same. Once Pre-op starts calming down, some nurses can go over to Post-op and check on the patients when they start going over there, ma'ams!"

No one minded at the moment that they were listening to a Corporal, they knew that they had to help the wounded, no matter who told them how.

Then in OR;

It was crowded. Every table had a patient, a doctor, and a nurse. Some even had two nurses. The chatter was at most, mindless, at least, useless.

"This is fun isn't it?" Captain Striper tried to joke, "Us being here in the war and operating on people just like we do at home?" Then he started to laugh, he was the only one who was.

Radar came in, to report the latest news;

"Good news! Only three more wounded!" That was followed cheers by the crowd of sweaty, messy, bloody, dirty surgeons. It was their first OR session, and they worked half of the day away, twelve hours, meaning that it was about midnight to 12:30 AM.

"It really makes me feel sick, operating on these people. I've never seen so much destruction only to help little, if at all," Frank said. "Think about when the fighting really starts to be heavy and those poor, maybe even helpless Korean civilians and orphans start flooding these OR gurney's due to North Korean, Chinese, or even our fire. Father, I'd like to donate five more dollars to the orphans."

"Well thank you, Major Burns, your kindness is greatly appreciated." Father Mulcahy replied.

"Anytime, Father," was his reply. "I'm done with this guy here, next patient please!"

_A/N: Alright, more dialogue will be added. The descriptions of the first days have ended, not to say that there won't be a lot of descriptions, I just will add more dialogue._


	4. The First Major Love Story

1_A/N: This may seem like a replica of the Frank/Margaret romance, but it's not. Trust me._

After the 4077th was a month in business, they found out that a local Korean civilian named Rosie, had opened a bar right across the street from them because she appreciated what the soldiers were doing there...that, and for the money.

Not many of the staff went there at first, so it was no surprise when Major Samuel Hammer found himself there alone. It was the first time he had broken his routine, and the first time he had alcohol ever since he left for Korea, it wasn't like he could get some for free in the Swamp. He hated calling it that (even though he never said anything aloud) because Captain Striper named it. He was just about to leave when Major Cynthia Bergheimer walked through the then bamboo door and ordered a beer and sat down.

Major Hammer would never say it to anybody, but Major Bergheimer was the most beautiful thing he ever saw. Her black hair that was pulled back into a ponytail was clean and shiny. Her blue eyes had just a hint of a greenish-gray tinge in there and he thought it was beautiful. He loved everything else about her as well, but those were her favorite, except for herself. He loved her above all else. He wasn't married and as far as he knew she wasn't either. So that was one problem that was pretty much eliminated.

He ordered another beer and sat down next to her at the table that she was sitting at.

"Hello." he said.

She jumped a little bit. She didn't know anyone was sitting there, she just sat down.

"You talk." she said back to him, with a hint of anger in her tone.

"Sure I talk, I talk when I'm at least in a normal mood, let alone happy. The reason I haven't talked yet is because I'm angry for being here. I don't talk when I'm angry." He was obviously nervous when he said this.

"Right." she said, that anger still in her voice.

She hadn't anticipated when, if ever, she heard him talk, that her voice would be so low. It was gravely and sounded how you would expect God to sound.

"Something wrong?" Major Hammer asked, hearing the anger.

"I just found out that Lt. Col. Blake is married." she said, gloomily.

"So?" He never heard about her and Lt. Col. Blake.

"I had been dating him for the time that I've been here, I never knew that I was his mistress until now."

"So your not married?" Major Hammer asked.

"Of course not! Why would I date someone if I was married? Why would I date someone who was married?"

Sam liked this, now he had hit first, second, and third base. Now he had to bring her home.

"I'm not married either." he told her.

She looked up at him, it must have been something in their eyes, I don't know, but all of a sudden they made a mad dash to Major Bergheimer's tent to have the night of their lives.


	5. The First Major Joke

1_A/N: I know I told Celticmaggie4077th that I'd save this chapter for later, but I don't want to turn nice Frank into a Mary Sue. Nice Frank must go. I_ _also thank Celticmaggie4077th for reviewing every chapter. Well, here we go._

The fateful plan came to Striper when he was going to sleep that night after their first OR session. He shared the 'Swamp' with Majors Hammer and Burns and Captain Black, and he hated how Frank kept talking to Ugly John for hours on end, leaving Jacob, a light sleeper, awake for hours on end. **'If only there was a way for Major Burns to shut up for once, and for him not to be so nice all of the time I'd do it.'** Captain Striper thought. But then it suddenly clicked, he knew what he was going to do about Major Burns for once and for all.** 'It'd be especially funny if he hated everyone in this camp, and everyone who came to this camp.'** he thought.

This plan may have well been his best joke/plan ever. He knew he had to do it, mostly to keep himself sane, and to protect the sanctity of the camp. The only drawbacks would be that;

1. Frank would stop donating to the orphanage.

2. Frank would become racist.

3. Frank would care more about money.

But that didn't matter to Captain Jacob Striper, oh no, he was doing this mainly for himself. He had no problem with Captain Black though, he'd let him go about doing what he would normally do and not include him in his plan at all.

_(This is used to represent a line that will NOT appear to seperate the change from day/night etc.)_

The next day, Captain Striper saw Major Hammer taking his leisurely stroll around the camp.

It seemed, that suddenly Major Hammer talked to people and started to go for walks about the camp, sometimes at night and not returning until the next day, but usually he walked during the day time. Jacob went to catch up to him;

"Major, sir!" Captain Striper called out to him.

"Yes, Captain?" Major Hammer replied, walking over to him.

"What do you think about Major Burns?" Jacob immediately said, as the Major reached him.

"Well I think he's too nice for my taste, and he talks a lot with Captain Black at the most inopportune moments, like night, when I'm trying to --but can't-- sleep, Captain."

"You too, huh, Major?"

"Yes, I happen to be a light sleeper, maybe even lighter than you." was Major Hammer's reply, he started to walk off, thinking that the conversation was over, but Captain Striper called him back,

"Major? I think I know how we can change him."

The Major turned to him and said, "We can't change people, Captain, people can only change themselves, for better or for worse. That's the way it is." he turned away again, thinking that the conversation was done, again.

"Would you please listen to my plan, Major?" Captain Striper asked, his eyes pleading for him to listen, as nice as Frank was, he wouldn't take commands from someone below him in rank.

Major Hammer turned again and said, "Sure, but I'm telling you, we can't change him. We can have fun with him, maybe, but we can't change him completely."

Then, Captain Striper told Major Hammer all about his plan to 'change' Frank. By the time he was done, Major wanted to do it. So he said,

"We can do that, yes, we can do that. I'm not sure if it'll work, but if we can change him at all, that would be the way to do it."

"I thought you said that we couldn't change people." Captain Striper stated, confused.

"Well I forgot about that, let's go find him and do it. You can clean up and set up the table and make sure that everything else is ready until I get back. Do you understand that, Captain?"

"Yes, Sir!" Captain Striper exclaimed.

They both went their separate ways, to do what it was that they were going to do to Frank Burns, just so the Major can be hated for once.

_(This is used to represent a line that will NOT appear to seperate the change from day/night etc.)_

The door opened just as Jacob finished cleaning the place. He killed the rats just to be sure. Major Hammer and Major Burns stepped in. Jacob sat down in a chair at one end of the table that they put in the middle of the room, there were two chairs. One for him and Major Burns.

"Here, you can sit here, Major Burns." Major Hammer told him.

"Why, thanks, Major! I'll do just that." Frank said as he sat down.

"Good. Is everything ready, Captain?" Major Hammer asked him.

"Yes, Sir." Captain Striper said, taking his pocket watch with the solid gold case and solid gold chain out of his pocket. "Now Major," the only Captain in the room said as he held the watch, dangling from the gold chain in front of Frank's face. "I want you to stare at this watch no matter what happens during our talk OK?"

"OK, I can do that." Frank asked, puzzled.

Major Hammer turned away as Captain Striper started to swing his watch side-to-side. Then he started to talk in his most soothing voice;

"You know, I once knew a guy who was a hypnotist. He said this thing to get people to sleep as he moved his watch side-to-side. Do you know what he said Frank?"

"...What?" Frank asked, getting sleepy.

"He used to say, 'You are getting very sleepy, very sleepy. You are getting so sleepy that your eyelids weigh as much as holding one hundred full sacks of money in each hand.' They are heavy, aren't they Frank?" Frank nodded, his eyes droopy. "You want to drop them, don't you Frank?" Frank nodded again, Jacob almost didn't see it, it was so slight. "Well do you know what Frank? I'm going to let you drop those money bags. Go ahead, drop them Frank."

Frank wasn't sure if it was Captain Striper's soothing voice, or maybe it was the conversation. Maybe even it was that stupid watch that the Captain was swinging side-to-side in front of him, but he suddenly felt very sleepy. By the time the captain was done talking, Frank couldn't keep his eyes anymore, so he said;

"Nighty, night." and then he went to sleep, but not really, he was more or less hypnotized. The Captain was in full control now.

"Now Frank when I clap, I want you to open your eyes, OK?"

No response, so Captain Striper clapped. Frank opened his eyes almost immediately.

"Can you understand me, Frank?"

Almost robot-like, Frank responded; "Yes. I. Can. Under-stand. You." every syllable was pronounced perfectly.

"Now Frank, when I clap again, you won't like Captain Black. OK?"

"O.K." Frank said in the same tone as before.

Captain Striper clapped again.

"Do you like Captain Black?" Captain Striper asked Frank.

"No. Why. Would. I." Was Frank's slow response.

"Good. Now when I snap my fingers, you won't like anybody, except for a few kids OK?"

He said this because he didn't want the Major to have _no_ friends.

"O.K." the Major said.

Jacob snapped his fingers. Then he asked;

"Do you like me?"

"No." was the Major's response.

"Next, when I kick this table, the Army will be your number one obsession, and you will say 'Nerts'"

Jacob kicked the table.

"What is your favorite thing in the whole world, Frank?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"The. Army."

"Next, when I hit the top of the table, you will fall in love, and have an affair, with the next head nurse that takes command when Major Bergheimer is not in command. OK?"

Without waiting for an answer, Jacob pressed on, since he couldn't prove that this one worked.

"Frank, when you go into OR again, you won't be a very good surgeon, you won't admit it, but your skills suddenly decreased. OK? And when ever someone with a lower rank than you mentions the war, you will find something wrong with them that they can be put on report for. OK?" This time, he waited for an answer.

"O.K." The Major said, yet again.

"Now when I clap my hands for the third time, you will wake up, OK?"

"O.K." Jacob clapped for a third time. Frank woke up. Then Jacob asked him, "How goes it Frank?"

"Oh Nerts, what's it to you?" was Frank's reply with a slight sneer on his face.

"I don't know Frank."

"Well, go do your job, whatever that maybe. Roger Wilco?

Captain Striper rolled his eyes and said, "Roger Wilco, Major Burns." And then he left.

"Good." Major Hammer looked at Major Burns oddly, mostly because he was surprised about how well the hypnosis worked, and somewhat to get a reaction. The Major saw this and asked, "What? He's a Captain and I'm a Major. I can tell him what to do."

It looks like that worked. It was supposed to be a joke before, but it almost looks like Striper took it _too_ far...


End file.
